Two Is Twice As Bad As One
by CastielandMe
Summary: Castiel doesn't know which Winchester he loves more. But when he makes a move on Dean, and the ladies-man shoots him down, what happens when he falls back on Sam? Will he get over the older hunter? Rating will go up to M in later chapters for M/M slash.
1. Kiss Me Quick, But Make It Last

**heyhey! Sup fellas! As I write this now, I have no idea what this story will be of yet... Completely idealess. Let's just wing it. :) More chapters after this one bytheway. NOT DEAN/CAS.**

Dean lay back, scubbing a hand across his face.  
>'Dean.' Dean sat up, scowling, at the sound of Castiel's voice.<br>'Go away Castiel.' He replied slowly, laying back.  
>'No. Dean, we have to talk about th-'<br>'There's nothing to talk about!' Dean shouted angrily, sitting up and getting off the bed. 'I'm not gay, you are, _you_ kissed _me_!'  
>'Dean, that's not happened and you know it.'<br>'Yes, Castiel, it is.' Dean glared at him, eyes narrowed.  
>'Dean.' Dean looked about the room, ignoring the ex-angel. 'Dean. Dean.'<br>'Chrissakes, Castiel! Stop saying my name!' Castiel looked wounded, flinching away from Dean's bubbling anger.  
>'Dean. You started this. You kissed me. I kissed you back. We kissed each other.'<br>'No.'  
>'Yes.'<br>'No!' Dean span around, lashing out. Castiel crumpled to the floor, groaning, as the fist collided with his stomach with well-practiced aim and strength.  
>'D-Dean.' He stammered, spitting out blood.<br>'Shut up Castiel. You kissed me. You're queer. I'm not. Get over it.' Dean stalked out of the room, leaving Castiel coughing and taking long, rattling breaths on the floor.

**DEAN pov **

I swore, kicking a plastic bottle violently. It skidded through the darkness, coming to a stop under my baby, spraying water everywhere as it went. Some ass threw his water away and didn't have the decency to even tighten the lid. How irritating.  
>I climbed into the car, locking the doors behind me, and started driving.<br>How _dare_ he? Insist that I had kissed _him_? No chance!  
>I pulled up outside a bar.<br>Women. Booze. Sure to make me feel better.

**CASTIEL pov **

My breath came in ragged pants, as I heaved blood onto the hotel carpet. I groaned, elbows failing as I tried to push myself up. Coughing and laying in a pool of my own blood, I closed my eyes, remembering how he'd kissed me. His soft yet hard and insistent lips against mine, tongues brushing...  
>My idea of heaven.<br>The opened quietly, and I looked about slowly, expecting to see Dean returning, though time had lost all meaning. A quiet, gentle swearing told me it wasn't Dean, it was Sam.  
>'Cas? What happened? Where's Dean?' He crouched beside me, helping me sit up.<br>'D-Drove off.' I mumbled. 'Dunno where.'  
>'Come on, you're covered in blood. Let's get you up. What happened?' He asked again, helping me stagger over to the bed- Dean's bed, that smelt like Dean.<br>'He kissed me. I kissed him. We kissed each other. He...said he didn't... I'm confused. Sam, did I do something wrong? He hit me then left. I must've done something wrong. It was good- very good- for me... But he's had much more experience... But he called me 'gay' and 'queer'. What's that mean?'  
>Sam looked startled by my confusion, then patted my shoulder. 'Dean shouldn't thought that you wouldn't understand. I believe you, that he kissed you first. Gay and queer are the same thing- it's a man who likes men. And I don't think you did anything wrong. Dean is just a ladies man. He would hate to admit that he loved kissing you- which he probably did.'<br>I took in all his words, but the only ones I heard over and over where 'he loved kissing you'. 'So... I'm gay?'  
>'That's for you to decide. Do you like women?' I nodded.<br>'I like everyone.' I replied, confused.  
>Sam laughed shortly. 'I mean... Do you want to.. Touch women? Kiss them?' I shook my head. 'And men, like Dean? What do you want to do to them?' Sam's face was carefully neutral, but I heard the way he felt in his voice - awkward.<br>'Are you sure you can do this Sam?' I asked. 'You seem to be bothered by the topic. Are you gay too?' Sam shook his head instantly, insistently.  
>'No. Just.. Answer the question Cas.'<br>I considered his previous words, then smiled weakly. 'I want to feel his body next to me. His lips, his eyes on me, his hands on me...' Sam cleared his throat, snapping me out of my thoughts.  
>'Just Dean, or other men too?'<br>'Some others.' I admitted slowly.  
>'Like who?'<br>'Dean, you... That's it. I don't really know any other men.'  
>'Me?' Sam glanced at the floor, and licked his lips anxiously. 'But you like Dean more?'<br>'I'm closer to Dean. I'm his angel, and we share a profound bond.'  
>'That's not what I asked and you know it.'<br>'I like you both. I... LoveyoumorethanDean.' I spoke in a rush, ducking my head. 'But I know, I know, you're not 'Gay'.'  
>'That's right. I'm not.' Sam rubbed a hand against the back of his neck.<br>I reached out unthinkingly, wanting to touch his silky skin. He flinched away, smiling weakly.  
>'Castiel, don't do this.' He whispered, hanging his head.<br>'Sorry.' I replied instantly, shuffling away.  
>'Aww, Cas...' He sighed. 'Don't feel bad. S'not your fault.'<br>'I don't get it, Sam. I love you _and_ Dean. But neither of you love me back. It hurts so bad. Why does it hurt so much?'  
>'It's called heartbreak.'<br>I felt my eyes widen, and I glanced down at my chest, scrabbling to open the buttons on my shirt and touch the soft skin. 'My heart's broke?'  
>Sam laughed gently. 'Metaphorically, not literally. Chill. You'll be fine. Just try to stay away from Dean for a while. And I'm always here to help you Cas.'<br>'I know all your secrets, Samuel Winchester. All of them. Particularly the last few months, your inner conflict- though I have not yet discovered what that is about. Your issues. And I'm here for you, too.'  
>Sam smiled weakly, but it flickered. 'All of them?' I caught the infinitesimal twitch of his arm, and glanced up at him reassuringly.<br>'Yes. All of them. Self-harm is a bad habit, Sam. And it hurts me to watch you do it. Please stop, for me? I'll help you.'  
>'We'll help each other.' He assured me. 'Come on. Let's sleep.' He helped me up, staggering a little into his room as Dean's car pulled up outside. It only then crossed my mind how long we'd be talking.<br>Sam helped me remove my trench coat, shirt, dress trousers, shoes and socks before helping me into his bed. He sat tentatively on the edge, typing on his laptop.  
>'Will you teach me how to u-mail?' I asked curiously, pressing my face into his soft, beautifully smelling pillow.<br>'U-mail?' He laughed quietly. 'Oh, _e_-mail. Sure, of course. Tomorrow.'  
>He was still sat right on the edge of the bed, even as he put his laptop away.<br>'Sam.' I murmured sleepily. 'Lay down and sleep.' He shuffled down, still fully dressed, atop the covers and positioned awkwardly. 'Stop being ridiculous. Take those clothes off before I do it for you.' _Perhaps sleep is making me forget to think before I speak, _I thought drowsily, _This is not good_. But he sighed, and got up obediently, quickly removing his clothes and climbing in beside me. The twin bed didn't really give us much space, but I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him into me. Clearly I wasn't thinking before I acted either. He stiffened for a moment, then rolled in my grasp, eyes searching my face.  
>'Comfortable?'<br>'Extremely.' He replied, fingers skimming my cheek before he blushed. 'Sorry. That was out of line.'  
>'I'm not complaining.'<br>'I know, b-' I cut him off, catching his lips with mine, in a single, chaste kiss.  
>'Sorry. That was out of line.' I mimicked, giggling.<br>'Cas you're exhausted. Sleep.' His arms wrapped themselves around me as I lay on my back, one arm under his neck.  
>'This moment is too perfect to sleep.' I replied, but yawned at the same time.<br>'Stop yawning then.' He laughed gently, watching me. 'What's going on with us two, Cas?'  
>'I'm in love.' I carefully avoided the phrase 'I love you'; people usually didn't seem to respond well to my loving advances. 'And you are not 'Gay'.'<br>'Yeah, I'm straight... But Cas, I liked kissing you.' My heart stopped, and I smiled.  
>'Really?'<br>'Yeah.'  
>'You're tired. You're not thinking straight. Let's discuss this in the morning.' I kissed his stubbly cheek, stroking his hair off of his face.<br>Sam grinned, eyes slipping shut, snoring quietly in seconds.  
>I closed my eyes too, smiling to myself, remembering his lips on mine, and for a second, just a second, I could've sworn I remembered him kissing me back. <p>


	2. Demetri

**Discussions of self-harm, m/m lovin', heartbreak - figurative, not literal, Cas. Not slashy yet.**

**Pleaseeee review? *bats eyelids in a failed attempt at cuteness.* pleaaaseee? :)**

**Castiel POV**

I woke slowly, feeling Sam's breath across my bare chest. Staying perfectly still, so as not to disrupt him if he was still asleep, I opened my eyes slightly, peering down at him through my lashed. Sam's face was peaceful, at last, cheeks flushed with sleep and mouth open against my skin, eyes open a little though he slept soundly. I felt one of his arms underneath me, our skin pressed together so tightly that I could feel his scars and scabs in detail against the flesh of my back.  
>I shifted slightly, the feel of his self-harming against me incredibly unnerving. His eyelids flickered, and I froze as he gazed up at me for a moment.<br>'Shit!' He leapt up, tugging a tatty motel silk dressing gown about him. 'Cas, I'm sorry!'  
>'No, that was my fault, I made you when your thought were impared by fatigue.' I replied stiffly, slipping back into my usual, polite, careful demeanour.<br>'Cas, what happened last night was a _mistake_. It can't happen again. I'm sorry.'  
>'Samuel. Calm down. Sit.' I'd climbed out of bed, unabashed by my partial nakedness as I dressed. Sam sat hesitantly, averting his eyes until I came and seated myself beside him. 'I am going to help you stop hurting yourself. We can do this together, but only if you co-operate.'<br>Sam nodded, smiling weakly at me. 'It's just so _hard_, Cas, you know? Hard to stop, hard to know I'm gay...' Sam clamped his jaw shut, glaring at the floor, as if punishing it for his slip up.  
>'You lied to me, Samuel. You said you weren't.' I glanced at his arms, covered by the silk, having no immediate urge to witness the damage he had inflicted upon his own self, the body created for him by my father.<br>'I know, Cas. I'm sorry.' He murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. 'I guess I'm in denial. I don't want to admit that I'm not normal.'  
>'Why would you want to be someone you're not?' I asked, confused by the complexities of human nature.<br>'Because Dean's the biggest homophobe in existance? Becuase he wouldn't understand? Becuase he'd disown me? Because we have enough to worry about, without adding being a cocksucker to the pile? Or how about because I don't _want to be a freak_?' His voice shot up several octaves, making me wince.  
>'Does that make me a freak?' I asked quietly, stung.<br>Sam froze, realizing what he said. 'Oh. No, Cas, I didn't mean-'  
>'Forget it Sam. You don't have to apologise to me. I'm just a gay, queer freak.' I vanished then, feeling more hurt than I had in a long time.<p>

**Sam POV**

I groaned, hanging my head. I hadn't meant that! Now Castiel was gone, gone to Godknows where, and I was stuck here, unable to do a damn thing about it.  
>'Sammy, are you up yet, you lazy git?' Dean grinned, stepping through the door, eyes a little glazed.<br>'Dean, are you hungover?' I quipped loudly, smling when he winced.  
>'Tone it down, Sasquatch.' He replied, shaking his head. 'Went out last night, sorry I didn't tell you.'<br>'S'okay. I'm not your sitter. Why'd you rush off without saying anything though?' I asked, knowing exactly why he'd left so suddenly - because of his 'Gay Insecurities' - but wondering if Dean would admit it.  
>'Thought you were sleeping.' He shrugged predicatably, and I shrugged too.<br>'Have fun?'  
>'Yeah.'<br>'Cool. Well I've got a case for us- haunted house, the owners say. Seems like a poltergeist though if you ask me.'  
>'Yey. A poltergeist. We <em>never <em>have those.' Dean laughed sarcastically.

We entered the house through the front door, a bag of sage, matches and salt, and a few guns, just in case this wasn't just a straightforward poltergeist job. Dean called out for anyone who was in.  
>'You must be the Winchesters.' A man stepped from the living room on our right, a teenage boy in tow. 'This is my daughter Alexandria. She knows what happened.'<br>'I am not you're fuckin' _son_.' The young man snapped. He looked like a young Dean - same facial structure and build - but baggy jeans, black tee with an unbuttoned shirt over the top, and a beanie hat holding up presumably longer hair than the fringe that dangled in his green eyes.  
>'She's going through a stage.' The father murmured, presumably to reassure himself rather than anyone else.<br>'_HE! _And it's not a stage. It's me, trapped in this body.' He spat, then, face clearing, extended his hand to us. 'Nice to meet you. I'm _Demetri_.' I nodded, shaking his hand warmly.  
>'Hey, Demetri.'<br>Dean hesitated, shaking the hand limply. Only I could see the uncertainty and slight _disgust _on Dean's face, and almost growled at him, to put him back in his place. It wasn't his place to judge this boy. How awful it must be to be trapped in the wrong body, to have to pretend _every day _to be someone you weren't. 'Hey.'  
>'I'll... leave you three to it. We're in the motel down the road.' Dean opened his mouth to inform the man that we couldn't be left in charge of this young boy, especially when my brother was so daunted by the idea of a transgendered teen; but the father darted out of the door and into his car before we had the chance.<p> 


	3. Rogan and Traitors

**Discussions of self-harm, m/m lovin', heartbreak - figurative, not literal, Cas. Not slashy yet.**

**Pleaseeee review? *bats eyelids in a failed attempt at cuteness.* pleaaaseee? :)**_ **I want at least two reviews before I update. :) **_

**SAM POV**

I sat on the sofa with Demetri while Dean scoped the place out.  
>'So how long have you known who you really are?' I asked, just to make conversation. Unlike Dean, I didn't find talking about feelings awkward.<br>'As long as I can remember.' He shrugged, stretching his arms far above his head. 'How long have you known you're gay?'  
>My jaw dropped, and I stared at him, wide eyed. 'How did you know that?'<br>Demetri shrugged again. 'I just know things. I know your name is Samuel Winchester, younger brother of Dean Winchester, middle child of Mary and John Winchester. You have a younger brother, Adam Winchester. Your mother died when she walked in on a demon, Azazel, bleeding in your mouth. Also known as Yellow Eyes. You self-harm. You love an angel, Castiel, in the vessel of Jimmy Novak. Your brother is extremely homophobic, so he doesn't know you're gay. He is bisexual himself, though deeply tormented by it, hence his homophobia. Dean is also scared of me, because he knows something is odd about me, and because I'm transgender. He is also in love with me already. You love your brother more than anyone else in the world. You are an ex-demon-blood-addict. And you are wondering what the fuck I am.' He chuckled dryly as I sat staring at him, breathing tight and panicking. Dean was bisexual? _No_, I thought fiercely, _Sexuality should _not _be what I'm worrying about right now.  
><em>'How do you _know _that?' I asked, not stupid or scared enough to pull my knife on this kid yet.  
>'I just <em>know.<em>' He replied, shrugging yet again.  
>'Hmm...' I eyed the boy curiously as Dean began rasping in Latin in the next room, the smell of burning sage.<br>_'Sancti Michaelis Archangeli, defende nos in prælio. Contra nequitiam et insidias diaboli esto praesidium nostrum. Imperet illi Deus, supplices deprecamur. Tu autem, o princeps caelestis exercituum misit et omnes Satanae in Inferno spiritus mali, qui per mundum quaerere GRASSOR perniciem animarum. Amen__._ ' I joined in halfway through, knowing the prayer to Michael the Archangel in over seven languages, and knowing the more people that were performing it, the less likely the poltergeist would return. I felt my jaw drop as Demetri joined in too, perfectly formed Latin flowing easily from his lips.  
>'I know it because you do.' He explained in a whisper. 'And that it will help it stay away.'<p>

This kid was starting to scare me.

When Dean returned, I explained to him what Demetri could do, and Dean seemed just as clueless as me.  
>'What am I thinking?' He asked slowly, looking Demetri straight in the eyes.<br>'How crazy this is. And...' Demetri blushed. 'You don't want me to repeat that.'  
>'Maybe not.' Dean agreed, laughing gently.<br>'We need to talk about this.' I murmured to Dean, realizing how useful Demetri could be to us.  
>'I want to come.' Demetri replied instantly, shuffling forward on the sofa. 'I learn <em>real<em> fast... And... My family... You've seen my dad. Well, they're all like that. They don't understand me like Sam does. And Sam, what I told you earlier... It would be good. _Really _good.'  
>I thought back, and realized that he was recalling when he said that Dean loved him already.<br>Maybe having this kid around would be good for Dean. If he realised he was bisexual, or gay, even, maybe it wouldn't be so bad when he found out I wasn't straight. Maybe I could even have my first boyfriend, at last.  
>Maybe it could be Cas.<br>'It would be.' Demetri replied to my thoughts unconsciously, then shook his head in apology.  
>'S'okay.' I answered aloud as Dean glanced between us, looking confused as hell.<br>'So. Poltergeist gone. Let's deal with the family next.' Dean laughed stiffly, still clearly ill at ease with the teen.

Dean and I sat on our motel beds, glancing around. Demetri may wish he was male, but we still had the small issue of that we wandered around in our underwear a lot- How would Demetri feel about that? Would he be jealous of us for actually having male bodies? Would he be... Excited, for want of a better word? We had no way to know. We knew nothing about this boy. But he knew everything about us.  
>Dean stretched, laying back. 'We're gonna have to start getting bigger motel rooms.' He noted dryly.<br>'D'you want me to pick Demetri up?' I asked quietly as Castiel appeared silently in the corner of the room.  
>Dean frowned, weighing the options of being chauffeur for a transgender teen who he loved already versus me driving his baby.<br>Turns out he was more scared than I had originally predicted.  
>'I'll wait here.' He murmured eventually. 'Maybe take a shower or three.'<br>I nodded, getting up. We'd arranged to pick Demetri up at six, when he'd had time to pack and say goodbye to his family. It was five thirty now, so I figured I'd better hit the road. 'Oh and Dean? No jacking off in bed. So make the most of the hour alone.'  
>A sudden thought hit me, and I turned back to Dean from the door. 'Why did you say you rushed off yesterday?'<br>'Told you. I thought you were asleep.' I nodded along to the lie.  
>'That's not what a bleeding, crying, confused Castiel told me.' I replied quietly, watching his face for non-existent guilt.<br>'He lied.' Dean murmured easily.  
>'That's not what Demetri said.' I answered. Sure, Demetri hadn't said anything- but I could lie well when necessary.<br>'... Look, he kissed me. What do you want me to do?'  
>'Stop being such a homophobe and admit your bi?' I shouted suddenly, Castiel's eyes widening. I could see it already- 'What's bi mean, Sam? Why'd you call Dean it?' I had to hold back a fond smile at thoughts of Cas's innocence.<br>'B-Wh-I-But I'm not bi!' Dean screeched girlishly back. I shrugged one shoulder, turning and opening the door.  
>'See you in an hour. Think about it. And by the way- Castiel's behind you.' The last thing I saw before I shut the door was Dean turning around, and him and Cas staring at each other with equally amusing and entertaining shock and confusion.<p>

I laughed loudly practically the whole way to Demetri's house, and the family didn't even bother to wave him off, just locked the door behind the poor child as he climbed into Dean's car. I drive slow, seriously not wanting to crash, dent or even get the damn hunk of junk muddy. Dean would kill me.  
>'You can wank in the same room as me. Dean will. I will. Feel free.' were the first words out of Demetri's mouth as he settled himself in the front seat, small rucksack between his feet.<br>I laughed gently, watching he child with disbelief. This was going to take some getting used to. 'Yeah, okay, thanks. So Demetri, what made you chose that name?'  
>Demetri curled his lip. 'My mom was thinking about how she always wanted a son named Demetri on Christmas eve. Figured t would make my coming-out-Christmas a little bit better. I hate it.' He added, frowning.<br>'Change it then.' I shrugged, leaning back a little into the drivers seat. This felt surreal. Dean never let anyone drive his Impala.  
>'Rogan.' He answered instantly.<br>'Nice. You've been thinking about that.'  
>'I love that name. And it's the name you want to give to your firstborn.' Demetri - Rogan- frowned. 'Just say if I don't have the right...'<br>'Nah. It's fine. I'm gay, remember? I'm not going to have kids.'

Rogan froze as we stopped outside the motel. 'You don't want to go in there.' He warned.  
>'Why?' I asked, instantly worrying about Dean. And Cas. Had they fought again?<br>'Trust me.'  
>'And <em>you<em> trust _me_. I can handle it.' I chuckled dryly, grabbing his bag and opening the motel door.  
>Cas and Dean were definitely not fighting.<br>Dean had his fingers tight in my angel's hair, trenchcoat shed and lips kiss-bruised and swollen. He looked so beautiful.  
>And both of them were hard.<br>'Traitor.' I whispered, to both of them, then turning around, slamming the damn door shut behind me. 


	4. Over And Over

I got back in Dean's pile of metallic crap, starting up the engine just as I saw Castiel dart out of the front door. I knew he could appear behind me, if he wanted, but he wouldn't. Because if he did I'd crash this damn car to kill us both. A beautiful death, for a beautiful angel. I giggled, feeling higher than the sky. Blue sky. Sky sky sky. Rhymes with pie. Dean likes pie. Dean's a traitor.

I lay on the backseat, my stunned high having worn off long ago. I couldn't drive. I couldn't think. I couldn't live.  
>I scrabbled through the crap on the floor of the Impala, tears impairing my vision. I blindly found a knife, and carved Castiel's name into my arm, then cut across it, over and over, over and over, over and over, over and...<p>

Castiel.  
>He was rocking me.<br>Crying.  
>Apologising.<br>Over and over.  
>'Let me die.' I begged. 'Please. I don't want to, don't <em>deserve<em> to live.'  
>'No!' He snapped. 'You're staying alive. For me, remember?'<br>'You love my brother!'  
>'It's you, Sam. It's always been you. I thought you didn't love me.'<br>'I will always love you.'  
>'Dean... I asked him why you pretended to be something you're not... And he comforted me. I responded in the only way I know how. I'm sorry if it offended you.'<br>'Offended me?' I cried, eyes flying open. 'Cas, I love you, and I walked in on you kissing my brother! Do you know how that would make me feel? Imagine if you saw me kissing Gabriel!'  
>Cas was sat beside me in the cramped space that was the back of the Impala- or rather, he was sat on the floor, and I was lay across the seats. 'I...' Cas's hands clenched around my arm, and I winced. 'Sorry.' He'd bound my arms heavily, and messily. I knew I needed stitches, but maybe I could do without if he'd bound them well enough.<br>'Exactly. I love you Cas. I want you to be mine and mine alone.'  
>'I love you too, Sam. So does this mean your my bitch?'<p>

'Dean, you son of a bitch.' I laughed, walking through the door. 'Why'd you tell Cas I was his bitch?' 


	5. FINAL CHAPTER! Sequel?

**ROGAN **

I smiled, shaking my head at the antics of the brothers and the angel.  
>Sam and Cas were ready for me. But Dean wasn't. Not yet.<br>They'd come for me, in a week. And they'd find me in Michigan.  
>Why Michigan?<br>Oh well.  
>Cas looked at me, and I winked, before vanishing before his eyes.<p>

I sat in a Michigan motel, shaking my head. I didn't know what I was. No-one did. Not even that prophet-guy. Charles? No, Chuck.  
>So much for me knowing everything.<p>

One week. One week and I'd see Dean again.  
>Two weeks and he'd be in hospital. And even I didn't know if he would wake up. <p>


End file.
